Embracing the Power of Surrender: An Alternative to Relentless Perseverance

Perseverance, determination, and grit are often revered qualities in a society that celebrates ceaseless drive. These attributes, deeply ingrained in our psyches, shape our world's successful icons. However, an essential and often overlooked skill is the mastery of surrendering - knowing when to step back in the face of uncontrollable circumstances.

Until meeting with life-changing events such as grief, pregnancy and single parenthood (all at the same time), I was unfamiliar with “surrender” and took pride in my undying perseverance. There’s no denying how good it feels to know that you didn’t give up and accomplished your goals (the big ones and the small ones). But with changing priorities and health considerations, I have learned to allocate my efforts prudently, sometimes letting go of certain projects, tasks and goals. This does not suggest a defeat but rather, a richer, deeper life experience. 

Today, I’m learning to be compassionate with myself, choosing to surrender rather than persist when the situation demands. Guided by this approach, I find myself asking four key questions when placed at the crossroads of perseverance and surrender:

1. What's the worst that could happen if I don’t accomplish this?

2. What might I risk by forcing myself to do this now?

3. Do the risks outweigh the benefits if I push myself to do this?

4. What do I gain by surrendering to this moment and accepting things as they are?

The answers to these questions help me manage my stress and focus on meaningful priorities that enhance my life and those around me.

It is important to clarify the distinction between surrendering and giving up. The latter refers to admitting defeat, while surrendering involves accepting the need for a change of course. Ironically, it's often when I surrender and relax my focus on the result, that I find myself naturally accomplishing my initial goal, highlighting that sometimes victories can be smaller yet just as satisfying.